Bitchin' Moanin' and Funny Things

Sitting in Rehearsal…

and I want to murder this director… 

Just that bored

Is the last person you kissed yours?

Idk what “yours” mean but I think so 

Your last kiss probably meant nothing, right?

nope it meant “this has to last you all week” 

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?

without consequences… yes 

What are your plans for tomorrow?

work and class if I can get out of bed

Can you get over people easily?

depends on the person 

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?

not really

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?

 kinda

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

absolutely

How was your weekend?

fun but not too wild and definitely happy

How do you feel right now?

sick 

Did the last person who hurt you ever apologize?

physically? probably emotionally? kinda 

Are you a mean person?

If I am inspired to be 

Do you believe once a cheater, always a cheater?

not always, not usually

Interested in anyone at the moment?

only one person

What was the last thing you hid?

things

Do you hide your feelings or show them?

I prefer to hide them 

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?

long

What color are your underwear?

blue

What would you do if you received a long love letter?

read it and probably smile

Group dates or single dates?

single

When you’re being kissed do you like it when they hold your face?

yeah that’s cute

When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?

apparently I do

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yup

Have you dated the person you texted last?

I am dating him

Is good grammar attractive? 

not so much

Have you ever kissed an ex after you broke up?

yeah, yeah

Who were you last on the phone with?

mi mom

What were you doing at 7:00 AM?

waking up

Is love really worth fighting for?

if it’s not all fighitng

Is there someone you will always be attracted to?

Leo <3

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

Sunday… unless 5 year olds count then it was Monday

Who did you last wave to?

no idea

Ever been called a bitch?

yes 

If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

absolutely

What kind of tea do you like the most?

hot lipton tea

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed?

yes

Do you think you’re a good friend?

off and on… I get easily distracted

If your best friend needed somewhere to stay could they live with you?

she does live with me

Are you  a health freak?

no hence my illness

What woke you up today?

my phone alarm

Has anyone drunk ever called/texted you?

constantly

Are you more laid back or perfectionist?

laid back 

Do you like to cuddle?

everyone loves to cuddle

Would you live with someone without marrying them?

probs

How did you get your last bruise?

…

Is love really a beautiful thing?

very beautiful

Has anyone put they’re arm around you in the past 5 days?

yep

 Do you remember who you liked on New Year’s?

ugh… yes

Do you think its cute when someone kisses your forehead?

yes :)

Where are you?

the den at my parents house

Think back to this time last year, were you happy?

I think I was 

What’s really pissing you off?

the idea of going to work tomorrow

What can’t you wait for?

Christmas time 

When’s the last time you ran? 

I ran around a gym on Monday… so I think that counts

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? 

yeah I’m too lazy to buy new things

What are you dreading right now?

work tomorrow and class

Do you celebrate 420?

I think last year was the first time I did

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? 

good one…

If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would ya’ll do? 

lay around on my couch eating and watching bride shows prob

Have you ever been on your school’s track team? 

nope

Do you own a pair of Converse? 

nooo

Did you copy and paste this survey? 

yes?

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? 

oh yeah

Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? 

I like a good song no matter how many times Its on… If I get sick of listening it’s probably because the song actually sucks 

Do you watch Trading Spaces?

nooo

How do you eat oreos? 

I dissect all my food so one piece at a time

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? 

maybe when I was younger

Are you cocky?

not so much

Could you live without a computer? 

I could live, but I wouldn’t want to

Do you wear your shoes in the house? 

not usually

Who or what sleeps with you?

baby… unless it’s the weekend then usually my boy 

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? 

8?

How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? 

a lot

What do you do when you’re sad? 

zone out 

Who would you call first if you won the lottery? 

idk

Are you in high school? 

not since 2007

What jewelry are you wearing?

actually absolutely nothing right now

Is anyone on your bad side now?

yeah…

What’s the first thing you do when you get online?

check my facebook

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?

yup

How do most people spell your name? 

Morgan

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? 

only sweatshirts… or maybe pants to bed

Where do you work? 

Picatinny Arsenal 

Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?

I don’t think Michael did SNL spoofs so Imma say no

Favorite name for a girl?

Ella

Favorite name for a boy? 

idk 

Will you keep your last name when you get married?

nope 

Last persons bed that you were in besides your own?

Thomas’

Do you return your cart? 

almost always

Do you have a dishwasher?

at my parents, not at my house

What noise do you hear? 

a really dumb commercial 

Would you survive in prison?

probs not 

Who is the youngest in your family?

me

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack?

me 

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?

not personally

What’s the last thing you purchased?

medication

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?

yeah

What brand are your pants right now?

Hopatcong High School sweatpants…brand

Ever been to Georgia (the state)?

driven through I think

Do you watch movies with your parents?

sometimes

Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?

yup one and I love it

Are you taking college classes right now?

yeah yeah

Do you like sushi?

no I love sushi

Do you get your hair cut every month?

I should

Do you go online everyday?

yeah

Last person you kissed?

Thomas

Single or taken. 

Taken

…you drank from the wrong carton :)

Existing

I have always heard the question do you live or exist. I am usually content to say I do both. However, for some weird reason I feel like I have been pretty much lying to myself. I am not really sure what are these great moments I have experienced that makes me think I am taking each day and living it. I have been feeling lately that I am just going through the motions. Maybe that is why time seems to be moving so quickly lately. I spend my days at work counting down the minutes until its over and then I sit in class or do online work until I am too tired I fall asleep. Even the fun weekends seem to be tedious. Is being content a good thing? I always thought that was the point of life, to become content with yourself and your life. I am content, but somehow I wish I could create something more then average, do something more than simple, live a life that is more than existing. These things are so easily said and so strongly wanted, but who am I kidding, with a house to pay rent on, a car to pay insurance and the monthly bill for, utilities to be taken care of, and a degree still needing to be recieved I can’t just live… for now I am existing. I just wish I understood a way to take care of my life and live it at the same time.

Balance

Life… I get that you are supposed to have balance. Keep things even and all… but really? Can I please just enjoy this for a little while longer before you spring on me the headache of balance? I know better than a lot of people that it’s important, but universe just take a freaking breather, I don’t want to balance right now… I want my good and that is it, thank you very much. Take the bad and hold onto it for awhile…. or maybe let’s just ignore that whole “balance” concept for a little bit. please?

the spins

Most of the time when I have the spins it is because I have consumed way too much alcohol and I am laying down. I don’t have spins like that, I actually have the kind of spins that make me not want to drink that much lately. The kind of spins that make you feel like your brain is growing too much pushing against your skull and any second it’s gonna burst and you’re gonna fall to the ground. I never pretend to be a perfect person, I’m not. I know I have wronged friends, family, coworkers. I know I have made myself distant because I have this stupid fear of becoming close. I believe that you should count your friends on their quality and not quantity, the only trouble with that is every time someone with a bit of quality gets too close I tend to push away without even knowing I am doing it. I know the right things to do, I know what people expect, I just don’t know why I can’t actually do these things. How can someone be so smart about all the rules and have no want in the world to break them, but constantly break them anyway? It doesn’t make sense to me and I have tried a thousand times to be a better daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend I am not sure I have yet succeeded.

I have always said that the past does not make a person who they are, it is the way you choose to handle your past that creates the person they are today. I am wondering if at a certain point in your life, no matter what, it comes back to haunt you. Something triggers flashbacks, something plants this fear inside you that you’ll make the same mistakes, something finally helps you become angry. I know what that something is, I just don’t know how to control it anymore. I remember my whole life being the kid who would just calmly walked to her room away from the problems literally being screamed all around her. I just thought this made me strong, smart, polite. I think I am starting to understand it weakened me, it made me naive, and inconsiderate. How am I to fix this when it has been all I have known for 21 years?

Lately, I have been feeling; feeling everything. emptiness, completion, misery, happiness, guilt, pleasure, worry, content. My head is spinning, I don’t have any idea who I am supposed to be. I have built my life and I have been the only one there for the entire ride. I will also be the only one there for the rest of it. Where is the balance between taking charge of your life and sacrificing for those in it you love? Does it make me a monster for not knowing? Am I just human? maybe I am just another dumb bitch in a world full of dumb bitches. Even if I was to figure out the right answer, what is to stop me from messing everything up? Nothing. I have lived a blessed life, but I have also been bruised, a lot. My pain is no worse then others and no better then others, but it is mine. I know that I am the only one who will ever understand it and I could never expect anyone else to.

this post is scattered and covers the tornado of thoughts spinning around my (what feels like) swelling brain. It makes sense to me, the way I need it to. Well, as much sense as the fucked up problems of a 21 year old quiet child can make. All I ask if life… give me some type of clarity, please.

Decisions

I decided my fate and I fall asleep with a smile on my face every night…  how do you fall asleep from the fate you decided? 

So Happy, yet SoO Annoyed

I am so happy with most of the stuff and people in my life. For some reason I am also incredibly annoyed… FFFFFFFFFFF….

Day 9- A Musical you once loved, but now hate

Almost every musical I have directed. There is something about investing all that time, blood, sweat and tears into a show that just ruins it for me. Idk if I am just sick of hearing the same songs over and over again or if the whole experience has broken me as a director, actor and fan of musical theatre. Whatever the reason is, I still love to direct and I still love to try new shows hoping to find some that through all the bullshit still sticks with me.